The Path Of A Creator Is Not For The Timid
The Path Of A Creator Is Not For The Timid
On Writing When I Decided To and Why I'll Always Keep Writing Now
Reflections On My Past
When I was in 3rd Grade, I was definitely on a creative streak. I started drawing a lot more in Miss Crews’ class and there was another “serious cartoonist” in the classroom. His name was Charles Baer. He had a style of his own, and I admit, I was emulating his style.
One day, outside the local 7-11, he pushed me into the window and bullied me about it. I can still feel that pain as he screamed at me for, what I think was just getting in his territory. It was as if I was stealing fans of his, or whatever. I shrugged it off but I found out there was a witness who knew my Mom and she asked me about it. Thank God for that because Mom started understanding my path as a creator.
Later, I invited Charles to my Birthday Party where we went swimming at the Roundtree Apartments pool in University Terrace, an area within Santa Cruz. I don’t know what happened to Charles after that. I think they put him in another class in 4th Grade, but I know that situation stuck with me and may have even been a primary reason why I decided to stay creative, finding which kinds of mediums were best for me.
Present Day
Now, I am living in Redbird Country (which, if you paid attention in the last article, is in my heart but literally, it’s here in Bloomington-Normal, IL). I have discovered that I found a new home away from “back home,” and it’s totally fine. I am where I should be. Living in Santa Cruz County had its perks but for me, it was way distracting.
As I grew up, I found myself wanting to get out and play, always avoiding homework and there was so much to do! Whether it was going to the Beach and Boardwalk or browsing the local independent bookstores (Bookshop Santa Cruz and Capitola Book Cafe’), I was always longing to be somewhere else instead of doing what I should have been doing the whole time.
I would just drive, too. That’s a major activity there, and it’s why I probably ended up becoming an Uber and Lyft driver here in the Midwest. It’s a way of living in the moment, traveling without giving a crap about what has to be done at home. It’s a good distraction - meaning that there is meaning in the activity.
Meaning is also when I am writing and I work hard to write as much as possible now. I have purposely programmed myself to be open to ideas no matter where I am, so if something comes up, I will notate it privately and work on that idea later.
My latest epiphany came to me recently as I was trying to do too much to learn another skill without doing much writing. I guess what I learned from that experience is that as you neglect what you’re good at, the rest of your life is affected.
I was sucking at what I wanted to do and hurting myself by not approaching my true passion as a creator - even if it’s lyrics that people aren’t noticing right away or this article, I am so driven to do it that I understand now where it starts.
It starts every day. Every damn day with the choice to stay focused on your thing. Others have their thing, and writing just happens to be mine now. I have addressed this in myself and choose to keep addressing that by writing these little pieces in addition to the Lyrics you will see along with these pieces.
As far as my education goals, I have made a private decision to switch majors at the University I have been attending since before the pandemic started. It’s to hone my writing skills rather than try to do something completely new.
I’ve also been involved in a Yellowbrick/Rolling Stone Media Essentials writing program for months, so this was also an important part of my decision to turn back and go in the right direction for me.
Yes, it’s ripping my old direction up, but I would rather do that than be miserable and not pursue one of the only things that I truly feel with my whole heart as I write.
Even if it is going to be writing articles about other people and what they are doing, I think that is what I really should be doing with my life.
My favorite book is the “War of Art” by author Steven Pressfield and he talks about how it is so important to do what you are meant to do. It’s also what they call, doing what life is calling you to do. As a fan of David Wilcox for many years, I can also relate to what he says when he’s insisting there is a life waiting for us if we just learn to trust it and believe in it.
So that is why I’ve started this little piece of the vast internet I have called “Redbird Country." It’s my way of participating in life and due to circumstances that are now going on, I not only need to do it, I think that the world needs it, too. At least I hope so.
Thanks for coming along with me for the ride, this is super fun for me but I aspire for these pieces to be thought-provoking for you as you go about your day, wondering if you have something that you aren’t doing that you should be.
If I can do this, believe me, you can do what you need to do. So do it, friend.
Matthew Kenneth Gray listens to Pop Punk as he writes. It’s the best for getting pumped up and putting it all out there.
Contact him directly at redbirdcountry@gmail.com and if you’d like to see more of his lyrics, photography, and other work, please visit matthewkennethgray.com.